From Coaches to Contaminates
Have you ever thought about the different types of individuals that make up the relational realm of your life? Dr. John Townsend introduced me to the Seven “C’s” of Relationships when I started graduate school in 2015. In his latest book People Fuel, he shares the importance of using our “people picker” wisely. This blog post provides a brief overview of the seven types of relationships we all encounter. These descriptions can help us evaluate if we are experiencing more “gain or drain,” in our relationships (Townsend, 2019).
So, who are the people that make up the majority of our relationships? Lets start at the top level with those who energize us and work our way down to the types that tend to zap our vitality.
At the top of Townsend’s list are coaches who guide and influence us without needing anything in return. The focus of this type of connection is about growth through engagement. Coaching relationships foster development in specific areas of our lives, and help us move beyond our current level of functioning. Coaches help educate us and often show up in our lives as mentors, counselors, or teachers (Townsend, 2019).
Comrades are people who know us entirely and accept us just as we are. This small group of individuals have earned the right to speak truth to us when we need to hear it. Comrades are those we turn to knowing we can trust them and not fear betrayal. These critical people help us feel safe, and support us through the worst of times. (Townsend, 2019).
Casuals are the people we enjoy socializing with, but they are not in our inner most circle. These individuals are easy to be with and help us enjoy the lighter side of life. Casuals might be our neighbors or people who share our same interests (Townsend, 2019).
Colleagues are people we work with or folks who are in our same career field that we interact with regularly. When mutual respect and healthy communication are present, these relationships can be stimulating. However, if our colleagues have poor communication skills or a negative attitude, we will start to feel depleted (Townsend, 2019).
Care relationships involve helping others without expecting anything in return. The purpose of this type of engagement focuses on helping meet a need for another person. Commitment and service is the bedrock of care relationships, where we help other people do something they cannot do for themselves (Townsend, 2019).
Chronics are the people in our lives who have problems that never seem to get resolved. These individuals struggle to gain insight from their experiences, and do not readily take advice from other people. As a result, we experience a relational imbalance where we are giving most of the time and the other person is receiving. This relationship lacks reciprocity (Townsend, 2019).
Finally, the contaminates are the people in our lives who do not have our best interest at heart. These folks are trouble makers looking for opportunities to cause division and create problems. According to Townsend (2019) “They can attack your business, your church, your marriage, your family, or your own soul.”
After reading the list above, we can evaluate if we are bottom heavy or top heavy in our relationships? If we conclude that we have more care, chronics, and contaminates, this is an indication that we need more of the top three “C’s” outlined above. For more information about how to prune back the lower categories and experience less relational drain, read Dr. Townsend’s new book People Fuel.
Amy
865-670-0988
Townsend, J. S. (2019). People fuel: Fill your tank for life, love, and leadership. Grand Rapids,
MI: Zondervan.
Townsend, J. (n.d.). People Fuel, Part 3: the seven “C’s" of relationships. Retrieved October 8, 2019,
from https://drtownsend.com/articles/.