Feisty and Fearful
The title of this post may seem paradoxical, and in theory it is. In practical terms, it indicates just how complex we can show up in the world to ourselves and others. As a counselor, I see clients struggling with fear related to heartbreak, trauma, and grief. I also get a front row seat in seeing their determination rise up and lead them toward healing and growth. It’s amazing to watch, and I am honored to be a part of their journey. Fear is common in this broken world, and everybody has their own experiences to tell. Let’s talk about how we begin to move through fear and regain our sense of agency.
I remember one of the first times I felt blinding terror. I was a teenager coaxed into riding a horse that was in the process of being “broken.” I was assured the horse would be guided, and I would not be left on my own. So, the people pleasing part of me proceeded to hoist myself up into the saddle, even though I wanted to keep my feet firmly on the ground. Well, the guide let go of the reigns and that wild horse took off toward a very busy two lane highway. I tried with all my might to pull back on the reigns and bring the horse to a halt. It did not work. I screamed and felt completely void of power to keep myself safe. Somehow the horse slowed down enough that I jumped off.
Have you ever felt so disempowered that your fear felt paralyzing? Ever felt your heart race and your mind tell you to flee as fast as you can away from danger and uncertainty? Ever felt an adrenaline rush that made you want to fight with every fiber in you to protect yourself? If we’ve lived very long at all, we have most likely encountered some type of circumstance that created powerlessness in our psyche.
COVID-19 and 2020 have tested many of us. This pandemic has created so much uncertainty and fear. We’re in the middle of a political season that is divisive in nature. Then we have the mask no mask debate and arguments over whether in person school or virtual is the best route. And, let’s not forget our own individual losses, betrayals, grief, and other negative experiences we are navigating. So what are we to do when we find ourselves flooded and overwhelmed with fear and feeling deficient and disheartened? In other words, how can we get gutsy and begin to get ourselves back in the saddle, holding the reigns, and in charge again?
As I was pondering about this post the word feisty came to mind. The truth is, I have been called feisty much of my life. Some seasons I would wear the label like a Girl Scout badge. During other times, I was not as proud of my feistiness because I thought it meant I was being aggressive or touchy. In this current chapter of my life, I desperately want to let my feistiness come to the surface and lead me forward. Feisty can exemplify someone who is relatively small, weak, lively, determined and courageous.
Yes! We need some determination to get us back on course. So, how do we begin? Four things come to mind as sign posts to send us in the right direction.
First, we need to trust ourselves and realize that we have choices we can make everyday. Choices about small things and big stuff. All we can do is make the best decision we can with the information we have. If a choice does not pan out as we thought, we can make another decision and move in a different direction. The key is to keep moving and give ourselves compassion on the journey.
Compassion means that we don’t allow an inner critic to take up space in our head. As much as the critic is trying to help us, it never does. Instead, we need to encourage ourselves just as we would a loved one or a friend, and treat ourselves with respect, gentleness, and kindness.
Next, we need to test old narratives that play in our mind. What is the story we are telling ourselves about a situation, relationship, etc. Is it true? If not, what is true about it, then anchor ourselves to the truth.
Finally, we need hope! In the current state of our world, it’s easy to find ourselves feeling vague and unsteady about our future. While it’s true that we don’t know what the future holds, we are people created to hope. To believe and expect, to cling to possibilities and favorable outcomes.
As Jesus followers, we are crafted to live in victory and freedom. Let’s hold on to that Truth, even when our circumstances lead us to believe otherwise. Trust, compassion, testing old narratives, and hope will guide us when the path seems scary and unpredictable.
Until next time!
Amy