The Purpose and Stages of Grief
Grieving losses in our lives gives honor to what has been lost. “Grief is the one pain the heals all others. It is the most important pain there is” (Cloud & Townsend, 2001, p. 228). When we think of loss we often think about the death of a loved one. This type of loss is one of the most painful experiences a person goes through. However, there are many losses that we encounter throughout our lives. They range from loss of a dream, relationship, health, and success, as well as many other types. The Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle is a five stage model and is one of the most widely referenced involving the following stages: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not linear and we often find ourselves bouncing between stages before eventually accepting the reality of our loss.
Important Points to Remember For Those Grieving:
Grief is normal and there is no set time frame for working through one’s loss.
Grief is to be shared and not experienced in isolation.
Protesting the loss and not wanting it to be true is part of the bargaining stage.
The depression stage leads to giving in to the despair and sadness.
The acceptance stage is much like finding resolution and creating a new normal.
Grieving is hard, heavy, and heartbreaking. It is no wonder that many of us desire to get to the acceptance stage as quickly as possible. Grief is like a river with a current and we need to wade through the river in order to get to the other side. There is no way around the process and we must navigate the rough waters in order to find resolution from our loss. It can be a long process and a journey that is not meant to be traveled alone. Sharing our grief with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor can be helpful.
Tips for Supporting Someone Through the Grief Process:
Be available to listen to the grieving person without judgment. Do no try to cheer the person up or give them advice without being asked.
Validate their loss by saying something like this statement “I recognize how much _______ meant to you and I am so sorry for the loss you are experiencing.”
Be patient with the grieving person knowing they are working through the process of readjusting to their loss.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. S. (2001). How people grow: what the Bible reveals about personal growth. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.