The Bigger "Umbrella" of Narcissism
The word narcissism is used frequently these days. We often label someone as narcissistic if they are self-centered and self-promoting with disregard for others. As a therapist, I have worked with many clients who have experienced abuse from a person who consistently exhibits narcissistic behavior. I recently became certified as a Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician through a course led by Dr. Ramani Durvasula. Dr. Durvuasula is in my opinion the best source for understanding not only narcissism, but also the fallout that occurs for people in relationships with antagonistic behavior.
According to Dr. Durvasula, antagonism refers to behaviors that put a person at odds with other people, they tend to demonstrate an inflated sense of self-worth, an expectation of special treatment, antagonism toward other people, blindness and disregard for the needs and feelings of others, and the inclination to use other people for self-gain.
There are five personality features discussed in the Alternative DSM-5 Model for Personality Disorders (American Psychiatric Association, 2013) that detail impairments in functioning manifested by characteristic difficulties. The impairments tend to show up in the following areas:
Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation
Self-direction: Goal setting based on gaining approval from others
Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Intimacy: Relationships are mostly superficial and exist to serve self-esteem
Grandiosity: Feelings of entitlement either obvious or hidden
Attention Seeking: Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others
Narcissism shows up in different ways with each type rooted in a lack of empathy and an imbalance of power in relationships. The severity of narcissistic abuse ranges from mild to severe. Milder cases encompass behaviors that exhibit irritability that goes beyond “normal,” emotional immaturity and an inability to be present with the needs of others. Moderate symptoms present with more notable manipulation, increase in temper, negation of others, and more serious betrayals. Severe narcissistic abusive behavior includes coercive control, exploitation, escalation to physical abuse, sexual intimidation, and rage. (Durvasula, 2023).
Narcissism doesn’t show up in one way although all types of narcissism do have some traits in common including a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy. Let’s take a look at a few categories of narcissism.
Types of Narcissism:
Grandiose: Seeks validation through admiration from others, displays arrogance, envy, and entitlement. Behaviors include bragging, focus on status, monopolizing conversations, etc.
Vulnerable: Can appear shy, insecure, hypersensitive, exhibits victimized grandiosity, is envious and sullen, and has abandonment fears. Behaviors include moping, complaining, isolating themselves, passive aggressive comments, etc.
Malignant: Is exploitative, paranoid, sadistic, antagonistic, objectifies other people. Behaviors often include “love bombing,” control, and power fostering dependency.
Communal: Self aggrandizing by “helping others” to gain recognition. Behaviors include “love bombing” over a “cause,” frustration when a charitable act is not publicly recognized. Showing moral outrage in order to gain power or feel special.
In addition to the four types of narcissism I listed above, there are additional categories and subtypes that break-down these traits into even more specific groups depending on the sources you access.
How do antagonistic people create havoc within relationships? It’s as if two people are in the relationship and one person isn’t respecting or behaving in a healthy, reciprocal manner. The antagonistic individual displays behaviors that create confusion, self-blame, anxiety, rumination, grief, and shame in the other person. Obviously, these dynamics are painful and harmful to experience.
Dr. Durvasula uses the acronym DIMMER that perfectly summarizes how antagonistic people show patterns that diminish and devalue others. These behaviors also promote inequity in relationships. Their conduct often includes being dismissive toward others, invalidating or minimizing the needs of others, manipulation to get one’s own needs met, being entitled, and rage and reactivity toward others.
Examples of DIMMER patterns:
Dismissiveness, Invalidating, Minimization: devaluing the thoughts, opinions, or feelings of the other person. Not acknowledging the existence of another person. Minimizing another’s concerns. Criticizing another’s accomplishments.
Manipulation: Strategies or schemes to attain the narcissist’s objective of power, dominance, control, etc. It also includes changing the narrative that leads to gaslighting. I will discuss gaslighting further in my next blog post.
Entitlement: Believing that one is special and can only be understood by other special people. Considering themselves to be held to a different standard and should not have to be held accountable for their actions. Can also have high standards for others but not for self.
Rage/Reactivity: This includes both noticeable and passive aggressive behaviors. Visible rage can look like verbal or physical assaults. More covert rage can look like withholding and silence.
In my next blog post I will discuss the antagonistic abuse cycle and share examples of how the narcissistic person keeps the abused person “off balance” in order to maintain control and power.
Until Next Time,
Amy Shorter LPC MHSP
Additional Resources: Youtube Channel DoctorRamani
Dr. Ramani’s new book It’s not about you
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Alternative DSM-5 model for personality disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.).
The certification course I referenced was an online course through PESI. Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician (NATC) Training with Dr. Durvasula. Completed February 27, 2024.